A Different Facade

In school, some people say I'm lucky.
Saying I'm smart. Or they just give me some tittle of some sort.
eg. Top Girl, Top In Kemahiran Hidup, etc.

In school, I'm called Kathy, Kat, KK, Orange, (not to be known nickname) or just call me by my full name. They may think I fit in. Fit into the crowds and all.

~*.:: But behind that smiling face, its a completely different story. ::.*~

Inside, I'm so different. I can't stand it.
I want to change, but I don't want to at the same time.
Sometimes I want to hate someone, but I don't want to at the same time.
For hate is the poison of the mind.

I'm always moody when I'm by myself, or at home.
Some of you may call me a hard-working girl in school, but you should think twice before you say that. Especially if you see me at home.
I talk to myself, or talk to my stuffed toys ( I know that's stupid to some people) or talk to the mirror.

I'm falling, I'm being teared up,
Into little pieces,
Being broken, uncared for,
I'm just fading away. . . . .

Always afraid, unsecured.
Thinking when I'll die, or will I die when I sleep tonight.
Wondering will I ever post another post again for the blog, unless something happened to me.
Doubting and feeling hated somehow.

A sadist, an emo person.
Loves seeing people suffer sometimes.
Acting like the devil half of the time, and then acting like an angel.
And perhaps, emotionless.

This is the real me. And this isn't even half of my other mysteries and secrets.
Welcome to my life.

-Orange